


you swallowed yourself up (and took me with you)

by jeserai (eorumverba)



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 15:50:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19337662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eorumverba/pseuds/jeserai
Summary: Catra wakes up. She's lying on the ground, and Adora is next to her, eyes closed. Her heart pounds quick quick quick in her chest, and she reaches out blindly for Adora, to make sure she's real.





	you swallowed yourself up (and took me with you)

**Author's Note:**

> sorry gays.............

Catra wakes up.

She's lying on the ground, and Adora is next to her, eyes closed. Her heart pounds quick quick quick in her chest, and though she can't remember what, Catra has the feeling that she just woke up from an awful dream.

"Hey, Adora?" her voice shakes, just the barest tremor.

"Yeah?" Adora props herself on one elbow, and she's frowning, sensing the concern in Catra's voice. "Hey, are you okay?"

Catra nods, but she closes her eyes against the bright light of the sun and curls into the familiarity of Adora's body. "I just...I had a bad dream, I think. I don't remember, I just — I don't know."

"It's okay, I'm here. You're fine, Catra." Adora's hand slides through Catra's hair and then comes to rest on her cheek. Her palm is clammy, but Catra can't bring herself to mind . She  never can, with Adora.

"Can we just — go? Please?" Her voice comes out smaller than expected, and maybe it's that, maybe it's that Catra said please, but Adora just nods and stands, reaching out to pull Catra up with her.

"Do you want to come over? We can watch a movie or something."

Catra shakes off the feeling of unease and nods, squeezing Adora's hand in hers, partially in silent thanks, mostly to make sure she's still here, still real. "Can we watch a horror movie?" she asks, fully knowing how much Adora hates horror.

Adora just sighs as if the very idea of a horror movie pains her, but to Catra's surprise, all she says is, "Yeah, we can. Just nothing too bloody, okay?"

"Saw," Catra says immediately. She can't see Adora's face with the way she's pulling her, but she can practically feel how hard Adora rolls her eyes.

"Fine. You're lucky I love you."

"Aw, how sweet."

They've reached the street now, and despite the sun blazing down on them, Catra shivers. She's looking down at the ground, trusting Adora to guide her safely, just like always.

"Hey, Adora?" Catra asks. Doesn't quite know what to say after that, just that she needs to hear Adora's voice again. 

"Yeah?" Adora squeezes her hand when Catra doesn't immediately answer, and when Catra glances up, she sees that Adora is smiling, mostly fond and just a little bit confused. "You okay, Catra?"

And Catra is about to answer, about to say  _ dumbass, why wouldn't I be?  _ when she hears tires  _ squealing  _ and then a flash of white darts into her periphery and —

The light is red, she realizes belatedly, the light is red and they're in the middle of the street and there is no time to run and they're going to die (but at least they'll die together) and then Adora shoves her  _ hard,  _ shoves her out of the way —

Catra hits the ground hard, she's sure she's skinned her palms and bruised her knees, but that doesn't matter, because there is red sprayed on the front of the car, and all she can smell is blood, and even her face is wet now, and  _ where is Adora? _

_ (Adora is there, on the ground, mangled and bloodied and broken and gone, and it is all her fault.) _

(("You okay, Catra?" she hears in her mind, and she can't help thinking  _ dumbass, why would I be _ _ — _ ))

Catra is vaguely aware that the driver of the car is getting out, and he's saying something that she can't understand, can't hear through the pounding of her pulse in her ears and the ugly, ugly sound of Adora's body hitting the car playing over and over in her head and —

 

Catra wakes up.

She's lying on the ground, and Adora is next to her, eyes closed. Her heart pounds quick quick quick in her chest, and she reaches out blindly for Adora, to make sure she's real.

"Hey, Adora?" her voice shakes, just the barest tremor.

"Yeah?" Adora props herself on one elbow, and she's frowning, sensing the concern in Catra's voice. "Hey, are you okay?"

Catra nods, but she closes her eyes against the bright light of the sun and curls into the familiarity of Adora's body. Against the memory of Adora's body and all the blood and the car —

"I just...I had a bad dream. But — I'm fine, you're here. You're here."

"Of course I'm here, silly," Adora sounds fond, if a little bit confused, and why wouldn't she be? But something in Catra's expression makes her smile soften. "I'm not going to leave you any time soon, okay?" Adora's hand slides through Catra's hair and then comes to rest on her cheek. Her palm is clammy, but Catra can't bring herself to mind. She never can, with Adora.

"I know, but...can we please go? I feel..." Her voice comes out smaller than expected, and maybe it's that, maybe it's that Catra said please, but Adora just nods and stands, reaching out to pull Catra up with her.

"Do you want to come over? We can watch a movie or something."

Catra shakes off the feeling of unease, of apprehension, and nods, squeezing Adora's hand in hers, partially in silent thanks, mostly to make sure she's still here, still real. Still alive. "Nothing bloody, please." she mutters. Even if it's fake, even if it had just been a dream, she - can't. Won't.

Adora huffs out a laugh and squeezes Catra's hand back. " _ No _ blood. Absolutely not."

"And — " they're at the edge of the street now, and there is no car in sight, but. Still. "Can we go a different way? We haven't been by the bridge in a while."

"I guess, yeah. Are you sure you're okay?" There is still confusion in Adora's voice, but she follows Catra down the street (a white car speeds passed them and Catra's blood freezes) and then nudges her when she doesn't respond.

"What? Yeah. The dream just messed me up a bit—I'll tell you later, okay? When we get home."

"You are  _ so  _ lucky I love you," Adora mutters in reply, "the bridge is so far out of our way. And it's  _ hot. _ "

"I'll buy you an ice cream if we see the truck," Catra says automatically, even if Adora is right. The bridge crosses a creek that runs through town; they used to cross it every day after middle and high school on the way to Adora's house. It would've been much faster to just cross the street at the park, but—

Catra shivers, closes her eyes, tries to breathe in.

"Tell me about that dumb show you're watching."

"It is  _ not  _ dumb!" Adora's voice shrills the way it does when she's pissed, and Catra can't help laughing. She's so predictable, both in the way she reaches out to shove Catra awaay and in the way she immediately starts rambling about her show.

(Catra guesses that's what she loves about Adora. They know everything about each other.)

When they reach the bridge, Adora nudges Catra again, grinning. "Remember that time we fed the ducks from here?"

" _ Which  _ time, dumbass? You'd always feed your leftover lunches."

"Because! What if there was no—whatever ducks eat? I couldn't let them starve!"

"You're so  _ stupid, _ " Catra says. She turns around to see Adora full on laughing at her, and she kind of wants to take a picture even if it's just...Adora laughing. Because she's here, and she's happy.

Catra reaches to grab her phone, then glances up to tell Adora to stay still so she can take a picture—

And watches as the stair Adora is on crumbles and takes her along with it. Maybe if Catra hadn't reached for her phone, maybe if she kept Adora's hand in hers, maybe if—

But that's not what happens, and Catra can only watch as Adora hits the ground  _ hard. _

_ (Adora is there, on the ground, mangled and bloodied and broken and gone, and it is all her fault.) _

Catra wishes and wishes and wishes that she had another chance, that it had been her instead of Adora, that she had just  _ held Adora's hand _ —

 

Catra wakes up.

She's lying on the ground, and Adora is next to her, eyes closed. Her heart pounds quick quick quick in her chest, but she doesn't give herself time to calm down, just grabs Adora and pulls her up.

"Catra—what are you  _ doing? _ "

And Catra wants to answer, wants to tell Adora about the dream within the dream that's starting to feel  _ real,  _ wants to tell Adora that she died and died again (all her fault) and that she's scared—

"We need to go  _ now, _ " is what she settles for, and Adora doesn't understand, but she trusts Catra, always has, always will.

(Even as she is pierced impossibly, perfectly by one and then two and then three falling steel pipes. Catra looks up at the unfinished building above them and sees the snapped strap on the forklift waving at her as Adora chokes on her last breaths.)

 

Catra wakes up.

Catra wakes up.

Catra wakes up.

She loses count of how many times she wakes up to the same moment in time, to trying and failing and failing to save Adora, to watching Adora die.

(And—

After countless cycles, Catra figures out how to end it all.)

 

Catra wakes up.

She's lying on the ground, and Adora is next to her, eyes closed. Her heart pounds quick quick quick in her chest, but all she feels is an almost unnatural sense of calm.

“Hey, Adora?”

“Yeah?” Adora props herself up on one elbow, and she’s frowning a little. “Are you okay?”

Instead of answering, Catra just — looks. At Adora haloed by the sunlight, the blue of her eyes and the strands of hair that have escaped her ponytail. Without thinking, Catra reaches out to tug at Adora’s hair tie, ignoring the look she gets in return.

“Are you okay?” she asks again, and though her lips are twitching up into a fond smile, she sounds both genuinely concerned and somehow resigned.

“Why wouldn’t you be? You just look stupid with your hair like that.”

Adora rolls her eyes and grabs her hair tie back. “Well, you always look stupid.”

“Aw, thanks. Now come on, we gotta go.” Catra doesn’t know what she’s expecting — maybe for Adora to ask why, maybe for her to say no. Not for Adora to nod and stand before reaching down to pull Catra up too.

“What do you want to do, then? Come over?”

Catra shrugs and looks down at the ground, at Adora’s sandals and her own scuffed sneakers. At the distance between them, minute but still so vast all at once.

“Hey, Adora?” she asks, voice tiny. She keeps her eyes on Adora as she looks both ways and then leads them into the street, lets her gaze wander first to where their hands are firmly joined and then looks down the street. Nothing yet.

“Yeah?”

And there is so much to say that Catra is left blank.  _ Good bye, _ or  _ I’m sorry,  _ or  _ I wish I could’ve told you how much I loved you before all of this— _

But before she can say anything, she hears tires  _ squealing  _ and then a flash of white darts into her periphery and—

This time, Adora is looking at her when it happens. It almost feels like time has slowed to a crawl, and Catra can see Adora’s eyes widen as she realizes what’s about to happen, can feel the way she  _ squeezes  _ Catra’s hand (because if they’re going to die, they’ll at least die together), can see the way Adora’s expression changes to disbelief and shock and betrayal as Catra shoves her  _ hard,  _ shoves her out of the way—

Adora hits the ground hard, and Catra is sure that she’s skinned her palms and bruised her knees, but that doesn’t matter, because—

 

Catra wakes up.

**Author's Note:**

> so kagerou days anyone?
> 
> as always, i am on tumblr under the same name  
> thank you for reading ♡


End file.
